Think. Believe. Create.

There are people you meet that change your life and inspire you to do the unexpected. Share the same interests but be so different at the same time. One that stands out is my friend Meredith. She’s gorgeous, smart, outgoing, and way out of my league, but even when she moved to Mexico City, then China, and now Turkey to pursue her modeling career she still managed to keep in touch even more so than some people that I know who live in the same city as I (thank you Skype). 

I suppose you can say death is what brought us together. Death of a close friend, a close family member, and of a long-term relationship we thought would last forever. But what inspired me most was her courage to leave everything behind her and do something she’s always wanted to do and that was to travel, be a model, and write about her experiences.

I, on the other hand, do not have the same aspiration of being the shortest model to ever grace the cities of Mexico, China, and Turkey but I do look forward to traveling and living everyday not knowing what is going to happen. I’m not quite sure where I’ll be in the next year, month, or even tomorrow, but I know that I’m ready to leave the past behind me and start a new.

All I can say is…I CAN’T WAIT!

If you’re interested - check out her blog, it’s amazing and she may inspire you as well! :) http://meredithhattam.com/blog/

I’ve lived in San Diego long enough that I should know my way around and yet I still discover hidden gems that I never knew existed. Today, I ventured out to Little Italy and went to church at Sant Joseph’s Cathedral. It was a good change of scenery compared to the usual  Good Shepherd. The sermon really hit home as it was about how life is short and that we should cherish every moment, acknowledging the small things in order to see the big picture more clearly. Amen to that! It was a good start to my day :) 

Speaking of acknowledging the small things. I appreciate the delicious Passion Iced Tea I’m sipping on as I write this post from one of my favorite coffee shops @ Lestats on Park. #thankful

How to block a Tumblr follower.

Thank you Google.

It was my day off. Technically I still worked in the morning from home with Price As Right Playing in the background and PJs still on. Like most days, I never really had anything planned. Should I stay in bed until my stomach starts grumbling to tell me to get some fuckin’ food or get up and just see what happens. 

I chose the latter. Did my morning routine, took my keys and off I went. With my lap top in hand, I drove to Hillcrest that is surprisingly only 5 minutes away. I gave my eyebrows a little pampering at Beauty by Dolly and had a double espresso and breakfast outside at Pappalecco. In between my delicious sips of coffee, I wrote, people watched, and enjoyed the view. 

I get a call from Christal, “Let’s go to the beach.” It wasn’t until then I suddenly had a hang over from the night before. Ugh. BUT nothing like a quick Advil, the smell of the salty air, sand digging between my toes, good company, and oh yeah…a special brownie. A dessert that would alter my thoughts like no other. It wasn’t until 2 hours later that I felt it and developed a keen sense of noticing “firsts”. 

As I sat down at the bench like table at PIzza Port in OB I noticed something I never noticed before. You see, we went with two of Christal’s friends. They’re not as alcoholic as we ere so they didn’t order the typical beer and pizza. Instead, they both ordered an Orange and Blue fountain drink. I thought to myself. I think that is the first time I saw those two drinks sitting next to each other at a table I’ve sat in before. Usually it’s an orange drink and a brown soda. Or just a blue drink all by itself. Never together. And not only was it a first for me but for the other three sitting at the table too. They will never forget the first time they saw those two drinks sitting at a table together. 

*Bleh maybe you had to be there.

Anyway, I kept noticing a lot of firsts:

+ I twisted my words and accidentally said “Night Right” instead of saying “I’m not sure what I’m doing tonight right now.” I really thought more words came out but didn’t. 
+ First time walking the streets of OB with Christal high
+ First hug with new friends

There were more but I forget. Reason for my rambling. Looking back, I had a lot of firsts:
+ First time quitting my first career job and starting a new one
+ First time moving out and paying for rent
+ First time cooking, cleaning, decorating, building new furniture, lighting the fireplace at the new apartment 
+ First time my heart got broken
+ First time traveling on my own
+ First time having my own room
+ First time getting a tattoo
+ First time going on dates 

And the list goes on…Come to think of it. This is my first time writing about my first times on Tumblr for the first time in 2011! 

Next on the agenda - List of 2012 Firsts!

Christmas was a little different this year…but I did it! Nothing better than having the best friends and family to share it with. 

Only thing…

How are Jackie and I going to split the Christmas tree and decorations when our lease is up next October?

never really grasped the concept of blogs. its a public diary to tell the world of your most random thoughts to your most deepest secrets. yet we all share these stories that can be read by total strangers. do we expose ourselves in hopes that we find other people who can relate or are we really that confident where we just say anything and not care about what anyone thinks? either way its a mind boggling concept but i still find myself doing it anyway.

not too long ago i went back and read my blogs from years past. back when i was a teenager whose biggest worry was to pass my driving test (i was never good at taking tests) or dreading to go to work for three hours on a weekend. oh those were the days of nothing but enjoying the company of friends while occasionally cramming for a test after partying the night before. although, life during my college years was not too different from high school and everywhere in between just becomes a blur. good thing i documented everything accompanied by millions of candid pictures.

looking back made me realize how many milestones i’ve encountered over the years and how much has changed. the people i’ve met, those i’ve lost, and the decisions i’ve made all brings me to where i am today. one thing i learned that was or still is a struggle for me is letting go. letting go of loved ones, longing to hear their voice to the point where the best part of your day is sleeping in hopes to get a glimpse of them again. getting the courage of letting go of a job i was once comfortable with and trapped in. letting go of the security blanket my parents kept over my head and learning to finally be on my own. letting go of someone i once loved for so long, accepting the fact that its not me that can make them happy anymore.

other than having the pleasure of friends and family to get through these times i found another confidant. music. i never knew how much music can help me get through such heartache and pain. makes me feel like i’m not alone. that i’m not the only one going through this. that it will get better.  i’m sure that statement is true but there are times when loneliness creeps up on me and i feel helpless, lost, and confused. but life is short. and i have to remind myself that i was given the chance to do something with my life and i intend to do so. as i sit here in my room staring at the blank walls in my new apartment i can’t help but think of it as a new canvas. a clean slate. another milestone. another journey. i’m grateful to have the memories to look back on but eager to see what lies ahead and making new ones.

…and so it goes.