4 Months

It’s been four months since I last saw Kara.

It still shocks me everyday, knowing that I will never physically see her again. I’m glad I got to see her on my birthday! She was supposed to go to Vegas that weekend and I’m so happy she didn’t! Even if it was for a short time, it really meant a lot to me. I’d invite her to my family parties and if she had plans, she’d still stop by and say hi but wouldn’t come in because she said she looked like a hooker cause she was going to downtown that night. I’ll miss those short visits.

These past few days have been really getting to me. I find myself breaking down every time I see her picture or hear a song that reminds me of her. So many unanswered questions. Why? Why you? Fuck. Why did that guy have to run that stupid red light?!?! Fuckin’ idiot!!

I’ll never get to know how her New York trip was. I’ll never get to see her in her Hello Kitty Scrubs. I’ll never know how life would be when we got both got married, have kids, grow old together or even know what it’s like move out on our own!

I’ll never know a lot of things…

You were taken away from us way too soon. It’s just not the same without you Kara. I fall asleep every night, hoping you come visit me in my dreams. But hey, “I’m sure view from Heaven sure beats the hell down here.”

Miss you.

La Paz Blvd.

Everything reminds me of Kara. Even the La Paz Blvd. sign when driving to Disneyland. She loved the La Paz burrito at Santanas!

I set up my Macbook Pro today and loaded all my emails from my Gmail account. I noticed that my very first email was Kara back in 2007. It’s amazing how much we e-mailed each other. She was my Tumblr! Looking back at old e-mails from her made me realize how much wisdom and optimism she had at such a young age! I’m glad that I still have her e-mails to look back on because it feels like she’s still alive talking to me, supporting me, reassuring me, and helping me through my problems.

I joined Gmail because of you. I joined Facebook because of you. I bought a Mac because of you! It sucks that I can’t iChat with you liked we always talked about…See how much you’ve impacted my life even though you’re not physically here?!

I’ll never forget you Kara. You are always in my heart, guiding me and loving me just like you always have!

Love you!

Kara Withdrawals

We’d say that to eachother if we haven’t seen each other in a while. You wouldnt take “we’re just too busy” as an excuse. I regret not going out with you when you asked because I was tired. I always thought…”Man, how does she go out on the WEEKDAYS?!” Lately, I’ve been doing it and man it’s so much fun! It’s like a mini-vacation after work. You really knew how to live life to the fullest.

We played Cranium tonight. You loved that game. I always wanted you to do the Charades game cause I loved watching you act your crazy self! Man Kara…I really wish you were around. I still get those times where I just cry out of nowhere whenever I think about you. I know I shouldn’t think about you passing and instead think about the good times we shared, but I just cant help it! I’m selfish. Yes, I am…I want you here…RIGHT NOW!!! I still don’t understand and still can’t/don’t want to believe it.

I have pictures of you by my bed and look at them everynight. I don’t ever want to forget you and your beautiful face. You always said you had pimples and that you’re face was ugly. It never was! I’d date you ;) haha. Driving to work and back is the worste. Just me and the radio brings so much memories of you. I hate Tuesdays. I hate passing by that intersection.

I just want you to know that I take you with me wherever I go. I didn’t realize how much you’ve affected me. You were the first that introduced me to the Victoria’s Secret T-Shirt bra, Dior Mascara and Shuerma Eyelash curler. :) Thank you! Can’t live without those things!

It’s your birthday next month and you would be planning it by now, asking me where and what should we do?! You always had a big bash for your birthday. Don’t worry it wont stop…we’ll have something bigger than great for you!! ONYX? Ha, you knew how much I hated that place…now that I think about it, it’s not that bad. I was a grouchy old hag at the time.

Kara, there’s so much that I want to tell you! Aaaah! It’s driving me nuts! It’s really hard to hold it in sometimes. Especially when I see a group of girls or two bestfriends walking together…Ugh…Honestly, you’ve really made me a stronger person. I just hate that it had to be at your expense to make me realize how strong of a person I really am and how crucial it is to make the most out of life.

Who else is going to tell me when I’m being a bitch? Or being over dramatic? Or come to my rescue when I just need someone to talk to. You always knew what to say. Even though we weren’t on the same page, I look back and realize that you were right all along. You weren’t afraid to tell the truth, even when it hurt me or the both of us. You’ve taught me so much Kara. Communication is key. It resolves everything. No matter what argument we got into we always overcame it. Although we may be stubborn at times, we both knew that we should just squash it and just “cherish our friendship while we have it.” You and your quotes! Aah I love em!!

Anyway Kara…I just miss you!! More and more everyday.

I love you with all my heart,
Len

Gemini

As long as you don’t try to make sense out of what’s happening now, you should be able to move through your day with ease. But as soon as you attempt to explain the synchronicities or unravel the mysteries, you will be asking for trouble. It’s not that there are no answers; it’s just that this kind of detective work is currently a distraction from what you need to be doing. Engage directly in the magic without over-analyzing it.

=(

Can’t stop.

My Viking Name is...

Kaðlín Goatgrabber

(Well, actually, that wouldn’t really be your name — since you’re female, your name would be something like “Kaðlín Björnsdottir”. But this is the twenty-first century, and you want to be known for who you are, not for who your father was, right? Right.)

Your Viking Personality: The tougher Vikings might let you on the boat, but generally only when they need ballast. You are strong and tireless, frequently shouldering burdens that would tire lesser women. You might be able to hold your own on the battlefield, but you’re no “berserker”.

A long sea voyage aboard a Viking longboat would be difficult for you, but you might be able to manage it. Other Vikings would consider you “one of the guys” if you were a guy. (But even though you’re a woman, they still think you’re all right.)

You have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. Other Vikings would be calling you “tree-hugging hippie peacenik” if the phrase had been invented.